s o r r y m u m reminder - life does not end after 40

The other day I read about the trend of women and men settling with a family later in life - around their thirties. Before they start sharing their lives, they get to create a life of their own. To create an identity, finish their studies, perhaps a career before they choose to share their life with someone. 

Good idea. Good idea to get to know yourself before you get to know someone else. Makes it a lot easier. Maybe. There are no guarantees, you see. Life just happens and not everything can be planned. Life does not care about your plans - perhaps Life has it´s own agenda and it keeps it a secret. When life throws you around you don´t always get it. Until perhaps later.

Anyway. This is a reminder to YOU to live and to not believe that life and the one you are ceases to exist after you have married and have children. Or whatever way you choose to live. You are still you, but you need to take care of that part yourself. Nurture yourself. Be true to yourself. In parts of the world you can do most of what you dreamt of even if you are forty og fifty og sixty or seventy years of age and older. And even if you have kids. But you have to adjust. And sometimes sacrifice. 

Let me give you some examples. I was a single mum for ten years, everything fine, but I had lost my way. So I took a timeout to rethink my life. And it was hard. I went to Africa for eight weeks to work with animals and I went alone. Comments: How can you travel alone, are you not afraid, spending all that money and. This was hard to resist - it was hard to block out these questions that would limit me in my project, "ME". I knew I needed it and I had to resist these people. And I left. And I worked my ass off for those weeks. Shovelling dirt, feeding lions with rotten horse meat cut from the cadaver by myself, cleaning the monkeys cage, walking under the African starry night to be with my favourite leopard (poor me...). Doing something different to shift focus and take a good look at my life outside everyday. But then it happened again - everyday life jumped on me in Africa. So I had to go away again. By myself. Comments: How can you travel alone, are you not afraid, spending all that money. And I left. And I jumped. 110m from a bridge head first. I was 49 - turned 50 later that year - and had developed a fear of heights. This was my cure and it worked. And the eight weeks? I don´t know yet how it affected me. I just did it. I did it!

Another example: I had my daughter early in life - I had not finished my studies - but still had a dream of traveling round the world. So when - and by the time we had two boys, too - the kids where 12, 10 and 8 we sold everything we could, rented out the house and bought a one-year-round-the-world-ticket for backpacking. Comments: how can you travel with children, are you not afraid, spending all that money. And we did it. Different story. Both examples demanded sacrifices and adjustments. And it was hard. All of this was hard. But it gave perspective and it changed me. Sometimes you acknowledge the change after a long time. Sometimes right away. But you will have relapses and you will need to get out again. And again.

But do not - EVER - think your personal life stops when you start a family or turn 40. It does if YOU choose to believe so.


s o r r y m u m